


As Time Ticks By

by Purplesauris



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Because we aren't already sad enough, Car Accident, Graphic descriptions of gore, M/M, canon character death, modern!AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-18
Updated: 2014-07-18
Packaged: 2018-02-09 09:02:51
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1976997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Purplesauris/pseuds/Purplesauris
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was all Levi's fault. At least, that's what Levi will live forever believing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As Time Ticks By

**Author's Note:**

> I don't even know why I wrote this but I write so much fluff that I just needed to write some angst. If you wanna yell at me for this, do so as purplesauris.tumblr.com

Levi hated this. The waiting, the sound of the clock ticking by and nurses being paged to some room to take care of a patient. The sound of men and women alike sitting in the waiting room, wanting to get taken care of as much as as the next person. No one commented on Levi’s appearance; why would they? They all heard about the car crash that killed two people and mangled one. Only one person left minimally unharmed, and in Levi’s mind, that one person was the one who deserved it the least. 

Levi kept count of the clicks the clock hung on the wall of the waiting room, each click resonating through his head louder and louder each time, piercing his brain as he stares down at his blood soaked clothes and stained hands. There’s a hand on his shoulder, shaking him lightly, but he can’t bring it upon himself to look up from the dark crescents under his nails, blood caked into every nook and cranny of his hands, flaking and peeling in ugly, rust colored flakes. Since when had red become such an ugly color? 

“Levi _please_. Please don’t shut yourself off from the world like you did with-”

“Shut up. Shut the fuck up.” Levi can hear a sad sigh before the hand on his shoulder squeezes and a plastic bag is waved in front of his face. 

“Lets get you cleaned up. Then we can go visit Eren yeah?” Somewhere in Levi’s muddled mind he hears the only thing he wants to, and his body is moving without a second thought, following Hanji like a lost puppy through the halls. Hanji shoves him into the staff locker room and towards one of the shower stalls, telling him to strip as she pulls off her shirt. Levi does as she says, dropping the articles soaked with now dried blood onto the floor, revealing pale skin tainted by the blood that stuck his clothes to him. Levi doesn’t question when Hanji steps into the shower with him, letting her do what she pleases as she washes away all evidence of Eren, red running down his face and body as Hanji’s gentle fingers scrub every inch of him, brushing over a stitched up cut on his right cheek. Levi’s eyes remained closed throughout the shower and Hanji’s care, disconnected from the world, missing the look of devastation on Hanji’s face as she look down upon Levi. They dress in silence, and when Levi’s eyes land on his ruined clothes his heart threatens to break as his vision blurs. 

_“Levi-”_

_“The paramedics are almost here Eren, please just hang in there.”_

_“I love you, Levi. I really do.” The words floor Levis panic as his eyes jerk from the crushed forms of his best friends, hands clutched in a final embrace. Ginger hair stained with blood, blood that drip, drip, drips from her hand clasped with the man she was going to marry. Gray meets the ocean as Levi stares down at what remains of his lover, tears mixing with blood, trailing down his face from a large gash._

_“Eren I- I love you too. God I love you.” Eren holds Levi’s hand as people rush up, pulling Levi away as he screams and cries, watching as the green eyes he loves the most flutter close. Would he ever see them again?_

“-evi. Levi, don’t leave me all alone, I can’t do this alone!” Lifeless gray eyes focus in on brown ones filled with pain and tears. Levi looks up as Hanji’s face scrunches up and tears well, a dam breaking as Levi instinctively wraps his arms around her, holding her close as she sobs on his shoulder, wailing like a child about how _unfair_ all of this is. So many questions ring through Levi’s head as they stand there, clutching at each other as tears that prick at Levis eyes refuse to fall. Why Petra? Why Oulo? Why now? Why did this have to happen to them? Why is he alive? Why couldn’t he save them? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY? 

Levi doesn’t realize he’s screaming the words until he feels the arms around him loosen before pulling away, and the only anchor he had, the only person he had left to ground him is gone, wiping away tears and sniffling, trying desperately to hold herself together. “Why?” Levi’s voice breaks on the word, as if it’s the most painful thing he can say.

“I don’t know Levi.. Lets go see Eren now, alright? Then you can go home and get some rest.” 

Hanji leads him once again, clutching his hand as she passes the ER and heads into the ICU, waving off doctors that attempt to stop them from walking through. Hanji stops in front of a door, nudging Levi forwards, encouraging him to go and see the only person he wants to see right now. Needs to see. Hanji manages a tight smile, shooing him forwards as he grips the door handle and pushes into the room, the door closing behind him with a dull thud as Levi stares at the man laying in the bed. All Levi can hear is a symphony of beeps and whooshing as Eren’s chest rises and falls, a tube sticking out of his mouth. The sheets hang around Eren’s battered form awkwardly, and Levi _knows_ they shouldn't hang that way, why are they hanging that way? 

Levi steps up beside the bed, fingers pressing into the space where Eren’s left calf should be. _I broke him. it’s all my fault._ “Eren. Eren please, wake up.”

Levi sinks into the chair beside the bed, taking Eren’s hand and pressing it to his forehead. “Eren, I can’t do this without you. Eren please. You can’t die, you can’t leave me here all alone. We were supposed to go see the ocean together, remember?” Levi’s voice cracks on the word ocean and Levi’s world crashes down around him, color’s blurring as Levi chokes on a sob, tears running tracks down his cheeks. “It isn’t supposed to end this way Eren. We’re supposed to grow old together, sitting on a porch and watching the sun goes down, holding onto each other. I was supposed to protect you. Goddamn it Eren! Why did you have to push me out of the way?! Why are you the one laying on this bed dying while I can’t do anything-” Levi’s words cut off as the rhythmic beep beep beep of Eren’s heart monitor goes static, droning on in that high pitched noise that grates on Levi’s last bit of sanity. “Eren!” 

Arms wrap around him and pull him away from Eren, and he’s screaming again, thrashing and blubbering like a child. “Levi! Levi quit struggling!”

“No Eren needs me here, I have to-”

“He’s dead, Levi! He’s dead and nothing you could have done would have saved him.” And as suddenly as Levi started struggling he goes limp, staring lifelessly at the body- no at Eren, lying on the bed, face a mirage of bruises and cuts. Somewhere in the back of Levi’s mind he realizes that Mikasa is the one holding him, crying with him as they stare at the body of a boy they loved with all of their hearts. Maybe in different ways, but their pain rips them in tandem, shaking them and promising that they will never be the same. The last thing Levi thinks before his body shuts down and he sinks into the black abyss of his mind, shards of his heart scattered on the floor around him is, _I love you, Eren_.


End file.
